Don't go away, again!

 It was a winter morning. Shailesh had just woken up; the quilt still wrapped around him while he sipped the steaming tea and sleepily turned the pages of the newspaper. Both his daughters were leaving for school, his wife accompanying them till the turn of the lane from where the bus would pick them up. His mother was long gone for her morning walk and would return with a can full of milk on her way back even before his wife returned. His father was having his second cup of tea in the balcony basking in the morning sun. It was a regular morning, just like any other day.

“Maa, look there is a sadhu baba, please give him something to eat” chirped the younger daughter.

The monk stood in front of the locked bigger grill gate and gazed at the house earnestly. The smaller gate beside the big one was used for passage on foot. The big gate opened only for the car. His long beards and hairs, falling loose way below his shoulders, had just few stark white strands. He was a young monk. The reddish-yellow robe, wooden sandals and a bowl in hand made him appear like any other monk but the serenity in his eyes made him distinct.

“Please, please, Maa, he must be hungry” gurgled the younger daughter stomping her feet on the ground.

“Shh..sh..I will give him something to eat when I return, now hurry up or you may miss the bus”

The daughters and the mother walked hurriedly away while the little one kept turning her head all the time and stumbling on the uneven path. The monk continued to gaze at the house unmindful of things happening around him.

Shailesh had drifted to sleep once the tranquillity prevailed but was woken up with a start. A shrill wailing nearby made him jump out of the bed. Yes, it was his mother. He sprinted out of his room dragging his sleepers along; the strap would just not get in properly when in hurry. He could see through the shrubs in the garden that a monk was grabbing his mother while she shrieked. The can of milk lay abandoned on the ground with milk still spilling out of it.

“Who is that, who is that, arrey will anyone say, Shailesh, Shailesh” thundered his father while laboriously pacing the balcony. He suffered from chronic knee pain hence could not climb down the stairs.

“Has someone attacked mother, or has she fallen, but what is this man, the monk doing here?” questions shrouded his mind while he raced towards the gate.

Few minutes ago.

Shailesh’s mother walked back home with the milk can in hand engrossed in her thoughts. The knee pain of her husband weighed heavy on her head and at the same time her back pain has started to emerge with the onset of winter. While she entered through the small gate she noticed the monk and murmured “There is always someone asking for alms”. She stopped just few steps before the main gate and turned.

“Mother” the voice reached her faintly. Did she hear it or this word rang in her mind?

“Mother..Mother” this time it was prominent, and how could she miss the sound that she had been longing to hear for so long. The Mother’s heart immediately recognised that it was her son Kailesh. The can dropped from her grip as she ran towards the monk. 25 years had gone by; her tears had dried crying for her son. Where ever she looked her eyes searched for her son. No temple was left unvisited pleading to the gods for the return of her son. Kailesh had made her feel what motherhood is and he always had a special place in her heart. Even though all children are same for a mother but deep inside she felt barren without him. She had spent sleepless nights fearing about her son’s safety. He was barely 10 when he went missing. Life moved on as years went by but she could never reconcile with the loss.

“You are still a wife and mother, you cannot mourn the whole life, you cannot neglect your other son” Her husband had reasoned which only registered in the mind but never in the heart.

Today after years of penance when she could see her son in front of her eyes all the boundaries of patience and restrain erupted. She wrapped her son in her arms and wailed. Ocean of tears flowed. Her hands ran through Kailesh’s face and she gripped him tightly not to leave any chance lest he again vanishes. The heaviness in the heart which remained ineradicable till now started to wane.

Shailesh stood a small distance away and could now understand that his lost brother has returned. He had grown up feeling the emptiness in his parent’s lives. He had often thought of asking few challenging questions if he ever met his brother but today all questions seemed irrelevant. He wondered that this monk was the one with whom he, recalled faintly, ran around the house. He has seen his father turning bitter with anger and his mother melting into a piteous object in his growing up years. Several bollywood movies have shown brothers getting united once grown up and he had also fancied such feelings but today the scene was not filmy.

A small crowd had already gathered and Shailesh asked his brother to step into the house.

“I have renounced family life after I left home and cannot enter a domestic house” announced the monk with calmness.

“What about going to the roof through the side stairs, you won’t have to enter the house” suggested Shailesh and the monk brother agreed.

Once on the roof and seated in a corner he explained to his mother “I have started on a bigger journey of spiritualism and one is required to obtain the blessing of mother, I am here to seek your blessings”

“You are an escapist, a coward, go away from my house” the thundering of his father could be heard once in a while. But the father never came to meet his long lost son.

“Don’t go away my son, we will get you married, stay with us, you have done enough of religious practice” pleaded his mother.

The monk appeared unfazed and remained silent. “I will leave by the evening train, my brother will you drop me till the station” he asked Shailesh without looking at anyone in particular.

“So, this is the reward you are giving of carrying you in my womb and now you don’t like the world, your parents, your brother, what are you chasing by abandoning all of us” she chose harsh words though her voice was mellow.

The monk only smiled. The mother sat beside him not leaving the post for even a minute. Shailesh came repeatedly upstairs sometimes with a new stove the other time with grains. The monk would not touch cooked food from a family house; rather he cooked a humble meal and ate in silence.

Finally when it turned dark he rose and asserted “Mother I shall remain indebted to you for bringing me in this world and for raising me but I am no more your son, I seek your blessing for a bigger voyage, please forgive me and live a good life”

“But where will I find you in case I want to see you” the mother blurted between her sobs.

“I am a wanderer, I have no fixed destination, and it would be futile to find me”

No amount of pleading could stop him, he walked down the stairs and got into the car, Shailesh waited for a while before finally pulling it away.

“You are an escapist; you are a coward…..” The thundering voice choked. The cold and silent atmosphere filled with fresh bout of wailing while the car sped away leaving behind dust and smoke and few broken hearts.